Missing Solace

P R E G N A N C Y L O S S S U P P O R T

Day by Day

After the loss of your baby, the grief can be so intense, it can be difficult to clear your mind enough to figure out what you can do to bring yourself to face another day.

It is not easy to move on. And in some ways, moving on feels like leaving your baby behind. Our grief is so wrapped up in our experience with our baby, we feel like if we lose that grief we are letting go of our baby. But in doing good things for your baby and yourself you can enter each day with more hope and positive memories of your baby beside you.

Everyone grieves differently. Here are some suggestions to help you through.

What you can do for your baby

• Hold your baby. And have any family members you deem necessary, see / hold your baby

• If you had not done so, name your baby

• Acknowledge the end of your baby's life in some form that is comfortable to you and your beliefs

• Create mementos. Take pictures of your baby if possible, create a scrapbook of ultrasounds, pregnancy photos etc., buy a piece of jewellery with your baby's birthstone, write your baby a letter, anything that will help create and keep your memories

Doing the kinds of things listed above, will also help in your own healing.

other things you can do for yourself

GRIEVE

Take the time to grieve. Don't be limited by others' expectations of how you should react. Feel free to miss your baby. And know that the deep hurt you feel will ease and you will be in a better place in 6 to 12 months.

ACCEPT HELP

Ask for help when you need it. Talk about how you feel with someone you can trust. Ask your OBGYN about support groups.

KNOW THAT YOU ARE HUMAN

All your feelings are normal. You have the right to go through them and process them. You are not alone. There are many people facing your hurt and like you taking each step, one at a time.

BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF

You may not be functioning at a level you are used to. You may find it difficult to concentrate, or feel easily panicked or frustrated. You will feel like yourself again eventually.

RESEARCH

Read books, websites, any information that will help you understand what you are going through.

EXPRESS YOURSELF

Find positive ways to get your feelings out - write, paint, draw. Don't worry if they don't look or sound professional. No one else has to see it but you.

CARE FOR YOUR BODY

Keep appointments with your doctor. Eat balanced meals. Drink healthy liquids (avoid lots of sugar, alcohol and caffeine). Get physically active. Find something that will get you moving that you could look forward to every day; a walk, tending to a garden, playing outside with your kids.

REST

Try not to get exhausted. Maintain a good sleep routine.

FIND YOUR JOY

Start doing the things that made you smile. Have lunch with a friend, go dancing, see a movie, get your hair done. Being happy does not mean you don't miss your baby. So don't feel guilty to enjoy yourself again.

FORGIVE

In your grief, negative feelings might be intensified. Recognise that the people close to you care, but most of the time don't know how to react to your situation. Forgive insensitivity and thoughtless speech.

RELEASE THE GUILT

Dismiss the thoughts that your baby would be alive if you had done something differently, if you had not worked so hard, or if you hadn't for that fleeting second wished that you weren't pregnant. You may be searching for reasons and blaming yourself for the loss of your baby. Though very tragic, babies die with no one to blame. Release yourself.